I had a Broke Mentality and didn't even know it

A real and honest conversation about the mindset I didn’t even realize I had, and how I’m learning to move from lack to living with more intention, care, and awareness.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Holistic Life Diaries. I'm your host, Jacqueline Lovett, and I'm going to jump right into today's topic. I had a broke mentality and didn't even know it. This is very close to my heart. So recently I did a journal entry, and this is the topic about having a broke mentality. Now I'm not talking about finances. Okay. This is this is deeper than finances. Um, this is deeper than money. So this is how my journal entry began. For so many years I neglected taking care of myself in areas that needed attention because I thought that would make me appear to be a better person in the eyes of others by putting myself last. I thought that mothers were supposed to go without things that they needed in order to make sure make sure that the children were taken care of. I thought that wives should make sure the husbands' needs were met and not say much about what I needed because I would be considered a nager. I thought that in order to be a great friend, I had to allow myself to be an emotional dumpyard. I thought that I had to keep my prices in my business low in order for others to receive quality services while I struggled to pull money together to contribute financially to my family's household expenses. I thought that I needed to really figure out how to stick to one job because having multiple passions or interests made me appear to be all over the place. I thought that I needed to take on more spiritual privileges than I could handle because that's what others who had similar circumstances to my circumstances were doing. But a shift started taking place in my mind and life many years ago. So that's just the beginning because this is a long journal entry. This broke mentality that I had was feeling that I didn't deserve to have um self-care, and these are feelings that I dealt with. So I'm not blaming anyone else for the way that I felt. So my broke mentality was not just tied to money. Um, I had a survival mode thinking, thinking I couldn't afford time to myself, I couldn't afford self-care, I couldn't afford soft mornings or quiet mornings. You know, I couldn't afford to take that time out. I can't I couldn't afford, this is my mindset now, I couldn't afford to buy myself multivitamins because that money would be needed in other ways in my household. I couldn't afford exercising 30 to 60 minutes out of a 24-hour day. Out of a 24-hour day, I couldn't afford that. This was my mindset, okay. I couldn't afford to charge more because then I would lose friends, I would lose clients. So that's how I felt like I couldn't afford that. I have to stay stuck in this place where everyone else around me is able to go on trips or do things for themselves, pamper themselves. But no, I have to keep my prices low. I gotta keep it low so I can hold on to them. And this is not just in my salon business. This is me being a doula, this is me being a nutritionist, a holistic nutritionist. Um, I'm not gonna really say with Zumba classes because that's that's a different things are different there. But I was in charge of my work, and I will say I have not arrived completely, but I have come a long way when it comes to um pricing in my business, but I felt I couldn't control it, I was operating from lack, even when I had enough, didn't even realize I had enough. I had enough within I had enough inside of me to be able to increase prices or to be able to say, you know what, this is my day, this is my time, I need to put my phone on silent. I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that until now, um, or until recently, let's put it that way. I didn't know how to receive, I only gave, and that led to burnout, and I know so many of us can relate to that being a caretaker because this is not just about being a mother or wife, this is about being a caretaker as well. Caretaking will take a toll on your body, it will take a toll on your mind and your spirit from experience. I'm speaking from experience, and so I've had to learn how to break away from these things. Um, what was it that shifted though? My health, my health caught up with me, the neglect to my health, it caught up, and I thought that I could keep functioning the way I did, so I would go from one thing to the next to the next to the next in one day. Now I take one client per day for hair, um, and I do not work as much as I used to. I'm actually slowly um fizzling out my hair business, and my clients know this, so this is nothing new, it's not like uh breaking news. My clients do know that I am um slowly, you know, leave um closing my business. That's what I'm trying to say. The hair side. My health was burned, but I was burning out my health, my mental health, crying so much, and and and here's the thing: crying is therapeutic, it is good, it is a way to release toxins, it is a real a way to um calm our nervous system, but I was like in a whole on a whole nother level with my crying. It was bad, it was bad, you know, and so eventually it showed up in my health. Um, as many as you know of you know, I was diagnosed with Graves' disease. I have other issues growing up. I had like asthma, and um I get eczema from time to time, but this really graves disease in 2018 really shook me up. I wasn't even 40 yet, I was 38. That really took me for a loop. So that was a powerful wake-up call. And even now, when I see myself slipping back into some of those old ways, I'm like, uh-uh, uh-uh, no. Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud right now. Let me nip it in the bud. So my broke mentality was not just about money, it was about fear. It was about fear of letting others down. It was about being an overgiver. So I over just constantly giving of myself, not so much financially, but in other ways, constantly just overgiving, undervaluing myself, and not feeling that I was worthy of taking a break. So, what do I do now? What did I have to do to overcome this? Because I like I said, I've come a very long way, I really have. Um, things that I have done to overcome it is journaling, is one. Because as I'm writing and I'm journaling, and I'm trying to develop this new habit, and I've been developing a new habit of instead of three things per day that I'm thankful for, I try to write down 25 things. I try to think of or write down or put it in my phone because I may not always have my notebook with me. 25 things before the end of the day that I am grateful for. And when I tell you, I never thought that I would get to that point. But it's it comes a lot easier now because the things that I'm grateful for now are not about financial, they're not financial, they're not because the way that things are going right now for a lot of people, a lot of us are getting hit. I'm we're one of them, you know, we're a family that's being hit too with the finances, but the way the economy is, but we we are um grateful and our faith helps tremendously. Number one, faith, faith in something better, so in a in a better world, let's put it that way. So um choosing to start thinking about more positive things that I have going on in my life. I was able to go to the grocery store today and pay for my groceries, so grateful. Like, I gotta make sure I write that down because I didn't get my car didn't get declined. Grateful. So being more grateful instead of and then also not looking at the past, focusing on the past is so dangerous when it's something that tore me down, something that was traumatic, and just keep focusing on it, focusing on it. And well, this is why, and this is why. No, I had to shift that thinking, and even now, when thoughts start creeping up in my mind, I'm like, nope, dismiss it immediately. So that has really helped me, and then realizing that I I also can receive help, I don't have to give all the time, I don't have to give all the time. People that love me, they feel they helped pour into me just as much as I pour into them, and for that I'm grateful. I'm very grateful for that. Investing time into my health and my well-being. Even if it's raining, I try my best to go outside. Even if it's like standing on my back porch, opening the door, and just taking in a few deep breaths, even if it's raining. I know it's like if it's raining, I'm just gonna stay in the bed, no, or stay in the house. I had to break that mindset. I had to shift that mindset because once again I had a broke mentality and didn't even know it. So I had to start shifting my mindset into realizing that nature is so healing. I love nature, I love it. Um, and I don't know how to I could I can't say anymore, you know. I love it. Um, I move with intention now instead of survival mode. Recently I made more changes to my business because I saw that my schedule was getting out of hand again. It's like, hold up, when are you going to have a minute to take a break throughout the day, every single day? And it doesn't have to be long breaks. But one thing I will say is that even when my children were younger, my husband and I, we made it a habit to stay active with them. Um, and it wasn't always uh as active as he and I are now, but we did stay active with them. Go outside, we played um, it wasn't soccer, it was I can't even remember what it was, but I think it was soccer. We thought we were playing soccer in our backyard. Um, we lived in apartments several times, and we would just find like go to the playground or the field in apartments, it didn't have to be in the house. Um, we go to parks and things like that. So that is something I am grateful for because that is uh the way that I was raised in families that stayed outside. We spent a lot of time outside on both sides of my family. So um I am grateful for that. But that has helped me because now I'm I'm I'm constantly moving, I'm moving, but when I say moving, not moving to the point of burnout, but just moving my body, stretching, taking deep breaths, walking through the house, um just yeah, doing what I can to keep moving, and I had to redefine what enough meant. That's a note, that's an entirely different episode. So those are some things that I have done. Um but I you know I just want to ask you. I have three questions that I want to ask you. So I don't know if you have your pen, your paper, or if you just want to jot it down, and actually, it should show up in the show notes. These are the three questions I have for you. One, where might a broke mentality be showing up in your life? Number two, are you allowing yourself to receive? And three, are you always in survival mode? Yeah, so those are some questions you can ask yourself. Only you can answer that, no one can answer it for you, and I will say I am choosing differently now than what I did. Have I arrived? Is it perfect? No, it is not, but it's so much better than what it used to be. It is so much better than what it used to be. So um, I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I hope you find it helpful. If you would like to work with me, I do have free discovery calls, and you can book that on love itnaturalhealth.com. You can follow me on all of my socials. I'm Love It Natural Health across all of the platforms, um, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. Um, I feel like I'm missing one, but oh yes, and YouTube. And yeah, so hey, have an amazing rest of your day, and don't forget to take some time out for you. Hasta luego.